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me:
"What the fuck are you doing here?"
him:
"She invited me back, for 'coffee' on the couch"
me:
"i knew you would do this fil gaffney, everything i get you try and steal - thats what you'll do isn't it, you're going to move in here and sleep under the tv, like their new favourite pet."
him:
"look its one night, and i might only sex her once or twice depending on how quickly i sober up"
me:
"oh that is too far, you are actually going to try and scuttle my girlfriends housemate - like some fucked up housemate in law"
him:
"jesus kieran its not fucking meaningful, i'll reduce her bed to a furious pile of splinters and then i'll slip away, i'm not after kids and rings"
me:
"typical fil, you come, you see, you cum, like some fucked up oil rig - you've got problems in your twisted brain wrong you man mental, get out of my second home, you can't come in here and waltz around like some kind of donkey - just spoiling all the goods on show. get out, go on, fuck off."
him:
"FINE I'LL WALK ONE MILE IN THE FREEZING COLD JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO WIERD TO SHARE - AND DON'T YOU THINK I'M MAKING BREAKFAST!"
SLAM!
him: (in head)
Yeah well, whatever didn't like her that much, she probably was all hairy anyway like some kind of hippy vegan tree hugger, she did have a lot of books - i could get a kebab, just to show i don't care about trees and guts and things. Yeah, a kebab - the king wins again baby oh yeah, garlic sauce.... i feel you"

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